Right Foot Forward

Psalm 119:32
I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.

How have I not understood this before?  How was it that I was so blind as to not see?

God has called me.  He called you as well you know 😉.  I have long known that.  I also know that He uses us when we are in motion, not when we are at a stand still.  Yet I still questioned.  I still sought to understand.  I still wanted the answers before I put feet in motion.

From the first of July until now, this 27th day of November, I have been deeply entrenched in an extended lesson of the soul with God as my teacher.  When it began it was not of my choosing but it was definitively of His choosing.  I had no direction, no vision, and if you had asked me, I would have told you that I had no calling as well.

Through a series of heart rendering torn relationships, job changes, upheaval, and more.... heart lessons were being taught that my hurting soul was quick to grab onto like a drowning person grabs onto a life line.  The cries of why, how, where, and when became less and less as I learned to lean so very deeply into God that I, myself, became lost.

For when I am lost, I am found.

Truly.  Not waxing poetic or vague but rather discovering the profound truth that has always been there waiting for me to be willing to lose it all.

It began with utter surrender during a worship service on the square in Murfreesboro and the waves began to build.  Waves so big that they carried me away from everything safe, from the ones I loved, from security, from confidence.  Waves so big that had you asked, I would have told you I was going under for the last time.

Yet here I sit.  In utter peace amidst the biggest storm yet, looking in the face of my Father, knowing (that deep knowing that circumstances cannot cause to waver) that I am where I belong for I am held firmly by the One who loves me best and loves me most.

My ears are unstopped and I hear His voice clearly.  My heart is wide open for all to see.  My eyes are no longer covered by scales.  I am home.  I am resting in the heart of Father God learning the confidence to be everything that He has called me to - no reservations - no excuses - no apologies.

He has spoken so very clearly this morning.  Or maybe I am hearing so clearly for the first time.  In losing every last scrap of myself I have fully walked into His family, into the heirship that is fully mine, so that I can fully declare the praises of the One who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light.  1 Peter 2:9

As I keep His commandments, He enlarges my heart. Right foot forward, my heart expands.  Left foot forward, my heart expands.  And so it goes.  The people I always admired and thought were so "together" in their relationship with God are doing exactly the same.  We stumble, we fall, we get covered in filth, and we rise as He lifts us, and we continue on.  Right foot forward, heart expanding.  Left foot forward, heart expanding.

THIS, this is how the apostles were obedient.  THIS is how the heroes of the faith stood their ground. THIS is how faith is able to move mountains.  When WE refuse to be moved by outside forces and instead only move at the direction of the Father's will.

I thank you Lord for loving such a wretched person as me.  I remain in awe of the mercy and grace that You show to me.  I am forever grateful and humbled by Your forgiveness.

Teach me more..... for I am willing to listen to all that You are calling me to.  Even despite my not knowing.  For I trust you to enlarge my heart.

Boots on the ground.  Right foot forward.  Left foot forward.

me