Monday comes around with it's calling card of out of state travel for the holiday so that we can be with family and the stress begins.
Along comes Tuesday and there is work requirements, new structures in place, and new levels of pressure have been added to Monday's baggage.
Wednesday arrives filled with appointments, phone calls, meetings, and out of state travel that afternoon to handle a contract issue. Now there are 3 bags of stress and pressure. My general attitude is rather short, there isn't much of a smile to be found, and all I am doing is making it to the end of the day to collapse and repeat again the next day.
Here comes Thursday....only let's add travel back in state because I was too tired to drive back the night before, wear the previous days clothes, rush in for a meeting that I am supposed to head up at 8:30 a.m. and a day covered up in inspections and appointments. The previous baggage has been traded out for chains, and I begin to really drag. The attitude is stinky and I am not a joy to be around at all.
In comes Friday, a few contracts, listing appointments, and oh yeah.... let's drive back out of state again to interview and settle another contract. By now my dogs are barking, I am down right irritable, and just longing for some down time with nothing pulling on me.
Saturday arrives in all it's glory! Ha... jokes on me. Have to finish out a listing for a client so in I head. Several showings and more later, and I finally get home in time to go to sleep.
Sunday comes and I lay in the bed even after I wake up. I should be up getting ready for church but you know what? I don't want to. Not one tiny bit do I want to. I literally lay there for nearly two hours knowing I need to be up and moving but justifying as to why I don't have to.
Well, 10 rolls around and I finally decide I am dragging my sorry carcass to church. Well, I have a lovely person in an ancient land schooner that chooses to crawl up my rear because I have the audacity to only be traveling the speed limit (another car in front of me as well) and they don't have the horse power nor enough rust on the car to pass two cars at once.
So amongst all her gesturing, bumper riding, speed up to me, etc... by time I get to church I feel as if I am carrying 1000#s of weight, am in as foul a mood as I have been in lately, and doggone it... I deserve better!!!
We walk in, find a place to sit, and I last about 2 minutes....three at tops. Up I get and off I walk. I go over to the chapel... I can't really describe this place as our church is a warehouse but this room is special and you can already feel the prayers of the people in the brick and mortar of this room. I sit, I cry, I pace, I shout, I am mad mad mad and enjoying quite the pity party. Not saying there isn't good justification for much of it...but that is quite beside the point. I am in quite the tizzy as you might imagine.
I fuss at myself, I fuss at God, then I sit down once more and wonder "why?" Why do I always take back the problems I hand over to Him only to find myself bound by chains I can't lift once more?
I decide enough is enough and I head back in. One more song and down we all sit. Lo and behold... what is being taught today? The Way to Be a Servant. Great, because that is just what I want to listen to; NOT. I am listening albeit not enthusiastically. Then out comes this statement.....
***Our actions flow out of our identity. What we are is revealed by what we do.***
Well I'll be. Just kick a girl when she is down why don't ya!?! What follows below is a conversation God and I had as I promptly missed 90% of the rest of the sermon. But ya know what? It just doesn't matter because by time He was done speaking and I had finished LISTENING... there were no chains, I found my smile, and I was able to move on. Please note that NOTHING in my circumstances were one iota different than when I walked in. I, I was different. Because I was willing to allow God to show me the ugliness in me that I didn't want to acknowledge. Because I was willing to own it, repent of it, and LET GO OF IT.
***Our actions flow out of our identity. What we are is revealed by what we do. To include my actions of hopelessness! My guilt is no less than any others but is greater!! I have a living beautiful relationship with the living God. How dare I allow hopelessness and sorrow to paint my face and color my behavior? Father God forgive my rebellious heart that is so faithless to the Mighty Lion of Judah. I am on my knees begging for Your perfect mercy and grace to lift me once more by Your endless forgiveness. Hold me with Your mighty arms so that I can live another day for You. So that minute by minute I decrease and You increase. Take that which would take my life and cast it below my feet so that I once more step up into the beauty that is Your glorious presence. May I never forget that You chose me to reveal Your glory and character to and through. Thank you that You are quick to correct me instead of coddling me. I praise You for the purity of Your justice and the depth of Your love.*****
Grab hands friends and let's continue to walk out our Faith with Boots On!
