Cries of the Heart

There comes times in each life when the heart cries out in anguish.  The pain is real and searing, cutting like a knife.  The chest is constricted and I can't seem to draw a breath.  Tears begin their travel down the valleys of my face creating rivulets where sorrow flows seeking relief.

Times like these bring about intense feelings that encourage me to run away.  I seek the solution that will bring about the quickest relief. 

But should I?  

Or should I listen to the cries of the heart?

If I am to listen to the cry of my heart, I must be willing to move forward into that darkness. Willing to allow that pain to be. Open myself to fully experience the cuts that come with the pain.  

Just allowing my thoughts to briefly touch that journey causes me to recoil in dread and fear.  Who would ever knowingly, willingly travel this road?

The Spirit whispers the answer, "One who wishes to experience the fullness of God.  One who would know love.  One who would know complete healing."  

Am I that one?  Can I take this journey?  Will I take this journey?  My mind reels at the implications this journey brings about.  The strength needed.  The willingness to be utterly vulnerable. The amount of faith required.  All control surrendered.  

I cannot conceive of a beginning.  The end seems a lifetime away.  

He whispers again...words that soothe my troubled soul. 

Jeremiah 29:11. New International Version (NIV)
11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Plans to prosper me? Hope? A future?  How does this reconcile with the pain which seeks to destroy?  How can this be?  

I search but I cannot find where I am instructed know the mind of God.  His heart.  His heart calls out to me.  His heart yearns for me. His heart loves me.

When I cannot understand the mind if Christ, I cling to His heart.  One foot.  One movement.  One step.  

Forward into what, I do not know. Facing what, I do not know; nor do I think I want to.  

Here I stand, placing my hand in Yours, placing my faith in Your heart.  Ready to go where I am led in order to know that which You would reveal to me.